Bedazzled denim-vests. Colorful electric guitars. Drum lines that give you that odd 90's aftertaste you completely forgot about (for good reason). A crowd that has no idea how to react. That weird "sparkle" sound that you only heard in pop music from the 80's. This is exactly what I expected when I heard that the live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles went on a nation-wide rock concert tour back in 1990. And, I'll tell you what, I wasn't disappointed. Well, I was disappointed, but my predictions weren't.
Every song in this concert sounds like it was written by Bob Seger... a heroin-addicted Bob Seger selling his soul to score a fix. You could have sat through the whole concert, and you wouldn't have recognized a single song. That's because every song they performed was written specifically for this tour, each track getting embarrassingly worse than the last. Seriously, boys, this is so bad. Splinter came out of nowhere, switched his voice into Asia-tone (you know, "Heat of the Moment"), and sang a solo song about skipping rocks on a pond. That's not a joke. I would rather have my wife catch me naked-Skyping with my ex than have anyone catch me watching this YouTube video.
And don't worry, Shredder's in this. He apparently discovered how to freeze time. April O'Neil is in it too, and she's pretty hot, in a 1989 kind of way. Shredder shows up just in time to "ruin" the concert. Thank Christ. He scares off the Turtles, holds the fans "hostage", and then heckles the crowd. Honestly, best part of the show. Then he declares that he hates music, four seconds before singing a rap song called "I Hate Music", and his foot soldiers did the worm on stage. I don't know what I was expecting...
I can't do this anymore guys. This is so bad. So bad.
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